Perspective

It's funny how one person can make such a difference to a situation. It only takes a single comment on something that seems unbearable to make it smaller. Every time I'm told that someone who is upsetting me is being unreasonable makes my opinion feel validated. When your point of view is validated, it is a delightful thing. We so often question ourselves based on someone else's opinion of us and when someone confirms our belief the relief is palpable. I read this article about how to deal with the dilemma, and while I do not know if it is reputable or right, it does help somewhat with perspective.

https://www.onlinecounseling.org/Jun2008.htm

Making changes

Is it just me who finds making a change hard? I really have to throw myself into it. I have to believe in it and think about it and hold onto my reasons in a death grip of stubbornness. This feels slightly unhealthy, but it does suit my all or nothing persona. But I figure, if you're going to make a change, then make it. Don't half make it. Don't just talk about it. Do it. Do it now.

But moving out of my job is harder than I thought. It's like my feet are stuck in mire and I'm trying to move but can't. I'm going to have to put some more push into it I think. I'm guilty of being afraid to leave. It's kind of like this:

Except I'm yelling at the ball I've chained to my own leg.

Holiday blues

I came back from my holiday to Bali and went back to work. That first week back was the most miserable of my entire life. I hate my boss. I hate where I work. I want to leave. I can't believe I didn't see it before. It became very clear. My job is a bad fit. It is also stressful, hectic, difficult, tense, and it makes me cry fairly often.


Surely a job isn't supposed to be this hard. I'm fine with working hard, in putting in the effort and working on my skills. I'm not fine with being bullied and blamed and taken advantage of.

I need a new job.

Pain

The whispers of an aching heart go unanswered in the still of the night. Hope is lost in the chill of the air as you gaze into the stars, wondering how you ever saw it there.